What You Focus On is What You Get!

In other words, what you give your attention to, what you’re constantly thinking about or dwelling on can seem to be everywhere.

An example is when a friend visited from London. We were out doing the usual nice things together and when we finally stopped for coffee my friend said, “Carole, everyone in Dublin is pregnant!” My reply, “Really, I hadn’t noticed” stunned her. But then my friend is trying to become pregnant so when she looks around she sees babies, prams, new mothers and sweet baby clothes everywhere. As it happens, she wasn’t wrong in her observation as Ireland is having a baby boom. With less money around and many not socialising as they used to, maybe the recession has played a part in our receiving the latest accolade for the country with the highest birth rate in the EU. http://www.independent.ie/national-news/baby-boom-puts-us-on-top-of-birth-rate-league-1595151.html

 

Another example although very different is an acquaintance of mine who through his work has experienced the underbelly of society and humanity. He has seen people at their very worse, good people doing bad things, bad people just being bad. His emotional standpoint seems one of frustration and anger, anger at the world, frustrated at the people within it, angry with himself. For him, people are essentially bad and because of the way he thinks, naturally he protects himself by not engaging with others on an emotional level, and equally never placing his trust in anyone.

Over the past few years I have also had many clients, both male and female alike who more than anything else would like be in a relationship. Some have reached a point where they feel like it’s never going to happen anytime soon. And so when they meet someone of the opposite sex they forget the skills learned from a child as to how to ‘meet’ with someone, to learn something new about them, have fun, or simply just converse. Instead, they begin an immediate process of evaluating whether or not this new person could be a potential long-term partner. In an effort to impress, behaviour may become stilted or worse, so enthusiastic you appear completely manic.

And then there’s me. Well, I’ve been spending way too much time lately listening to current affairs on both radio and TV. Sunday mornings in particular I really go to town altogether, as I love nothing more than faffing around while listening to Sunday Miscellany, Miriam Meets, and then the Marian Finucane  show on RTE radio 1. With Marion on holidays, Charlie Bird has taken over the role and true to the usual format had a bumper crop of guests on to discuss what’s happening in Ireland today. As usual, the topics inevitably included Anglo Irish Bank, the recent spike in unemployment figures, and featured interviews with graduates stating they had no choice other than emigrate if wanting jobs. About three quarters of the way into the programme I realised I needed to instigate another round of blackout media days to recover my optimism equilibrium. For as I listened to Charlie’s guests my stomach was clenching and I knew I was beginning to feel anxious. One guest in particular was the primary culprit as he referred to the Irish public as being over optimistic in believing things would be better by next year. We have succumbed, he said, to the optimistic approach of Brian Cowen and his party. Were it not for the fact I was trying to overcome an anxiety attack I might have fallen off the chair and laughed ‘til my head fell off at that last comment. Brian Cowen– optimistic... please?

Ok, so what point am I trying to make here?

Bottom line...how we 'think' manifests in how we behave. And if it isn’t working for us then we need to change how we think.

Taking a Risk on Others
For someone to go through life without placing trust in another for fear of potential hurt or harm must be an intensely lonely experience. Life is all about taking risks, it’s how we grow and develop and to not do so simply leaves us stunted. Opening up to the possibility that people are in fact inherently good but with frailties that will have them err or fail can introduce compassion while helping to minimise negative judgement of others. It’s a starting point for a more happy and fulfilled life.

Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure
For singletons, taking a step back to understand what is the underlying reason for the panic to meet and marry a partner is often hugely rewarding if not freeing. Perhaps you’ve been trying to meet cultural or family expectations that state ‘you should be married by now.’ On the other hand, the panic might be linked to self-esteem, a secret belief that says, ‘if no one wants me then there must be something wrong with me.’ I’m sure, like me, you have heard about or know someone who for reasons similar to the above got married, some in haste, and afterwards desperately regretted it. You don’t have to be that person.

Hello Easy Listening
And for me? Well, I am going to hold on to the belief that things are going to get better here in Ireland. I am optimistic my company will be successful, that I will have lots of work and loads of new clients. To think otherwise only means getting caught up in anxiety and negativity which is just counterproductive. So for now, it’s ‘bye bye’ Charlie, Morning Ireland, the news ... 1pm, 6pm, and 9pm (the joys of working from home) and hello to the music of the Mamas and Papas, Michael Buble, and radio Q102 (easy listening).

It’s time for positive thinking again!