Strange how a number can affect the mood. Whether it is 30, 40, 50, or some other number very often a perceived milestone birthday is a time to reassess and ask questions like ‘what have I done so far with my life?’ For some it means casting a weary eye back over times when we’ve failed or towards goals not yet achieved. The life we envisaged when an idealistic 18 or 20 year-old may seem nothing more than a taunt that spirals us into the process of shoulds. I should have done ..... I should be.... I should have by now.... And so we find ourselves facing head-on the regrets we have about our life. And yet very often we forget that a life lived without gathering regrets along the way is impossible. Worse is if we become mired in those past regrets, as it can have the effect of stultifying our present. Emotions can range from disappointment, sadness, remorse, even anger -none of them useful or helpful when it comes to our emotional or physical wellbeing.
What's Done is Done
‘Let it go’ you might have heard family or friends counsel. And while easier said than done it is possible. Begin by looking as objectively as you can at the regrets you harbour and the ensuing emotions. As you do, try to view yourself with some level of compassion while acknowledge that none of us is perfect –we all make mistakes. It’s part of living. For circumstances or events you had no control over, it’s time to let go and learn acceptance. For other times when behaviours, actions, or decisions you made hurt or negatively affected others, accept your responsibility and do what you can to make amends. Ask for forgiveness if you still have an opportunity to do so. Extend love to those closest and dearest.
As with every event, or experience there is always learning. The positive side to having regrets is what they teach us. We gain knowledge and with that knowledge we are equipped to make better choices and decisions as to how we want life to be from here on. Instead of looking back at what might have been, a milestone birthday is a chance for new beginnings, and creating new opportunities. Life might look very different from how we dreamed it at 18 but then again how many of us really knew much about life at 18?
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” - Alexander Graham Bell
