Northsiders and Southsiders
Just recently, I had the fortune to bump into an acquaintance I hadn’t seen for a number of years. As we shared our history, we naturally gravitated to talking a little about our respective families. My acquaintance related a story of how her mother, an amazing woman in her early nineties with a mind as alert as ever was recently admitted into hospital. The hospital is located on the north side of Dublin and about 13 kilometres at most from the home of the woman in question whose home is on the south side of Dublin city. For those of you unfamiliar with Dublin, it’s a small city by European standards that and it is divided by the river Liffey. In the workplaces, restaurants and bars around Dublin you’ll often hear the locals ask one another, ‘Are you a Northsider or a Southsider?” and it’s usually followed by jocularity and half-hearted rivalry.
To get back to my story, my acquaintance told how when she arrived in to visit her mother, she was delighted to see that not only was her mother as alert as ever but how enamoured she was with her roommates. However, her delight turned to quiet embarrassment when her mother announced loudly (due to deafness) with incredulity and surprise, “These Northsiders are actually nice people!” My friend insisted that yes her mother truly was surprised. While this little vignette could be considered humorous, and it was at the time, later I couldn’t help but think how a belief formulated over time without an apparent need to check for veracity had lead someone to hold such a generalised viewpoint about the people she shared a city with. A city that is at peace and where no walls separate one side from the other.
Them and Us In less recent times, I worked in a small organisation where sales were the lifeblood of the company. For the first few years, that I worked there the environment was a really healthy and cooperative one. When I look back, I remember everyone working incredibly hard, but it was also a time of high spirits and good will. However, all that changed when a decision made by the owner/manager to incentivise one sales team while excluding others became public to all. The team in question sold the most lucrative service/product offering that came with the fastest turnover. It was the quick sale, fast money department and for the owner it made complete sense to focus his energy and attention on driving up these sales by making sure the team in question was happy. And he did all he could to have that happen. However, over a short period of time, that decision had the effect of creating a divisiveness never previously experienced in the organisation and for the first time a ‘them and us’ culture was spawned. Resentments, rifts, and bickering spread like a winter cold throughout the organisation and a once happy, cooperative working environment became one fuelled by apathy and low morale.
And while I don’t really want to get into politics it’s hard not to when the UK elections were so recent and we saw how Northern Ireland had a part to play in the outcome. Yet, even after 10 years of peace and much talk of vision for Northern Ireland that is about inclusiveness, we saw instead a return to sectarianism. A vote became a vote for ‘Green’ or ‘Orange’ rather than the party that embodied positive change for all. When asked to comment one electorate was quoted as saying, “It will take another generation at least before we’ll see that change here.”
There is no doubt tribalism in all its forms, does affect how we think and behave towards others. A group or a team can becomes exclusive with those outside becoming the unknown quantity, the opponent and given time and the right set of circumstances, even the enemy. For the exclusive group, feelings of being superior are common alongside judgements that those outside the group must somehow be inferior. In its own way tribalism, be it in the boardroom, the classroom or at the kitchen table not only stifles our experience of others but also detracts from our happiness and the happiness levels of those around us. ‘Wake Up’ as Anthony De Mello S.J. might say and become aware of how an open mind is your key to happiness.
Carole
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Happiness Newsletter May 2010 © Carole Smith / Type Dynamics Tel: 085 778 5615
